The Problem with Being Introverted

As I sit here writing this post (listening to Colm Keegan's "The Luckiest" cover. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHEsc6jNI_g) , it's occurred to me that I haven't touched down on any "deep" topics, even though I love contemplating them. One of the things that's always bothered me about myself is how I enjoy being an introvert, but yet I want to do things with people. Here's what usually happens:

I plan something out (on the rare occasion) or (on the even rarer occasion) am invited to something.
I happily wait days, sometimes weeks.
Day of, I get excited, do my hair, and plan a cute outfit.
And then I go.
And as soon as I put the car in park, I immediately regret doing so.

Depending on who's there, I might have a good time or regret going even more. There are certain friends I can hang around very easily without worrying about being introverted at all. Three weeks ago, as I sat at a party alone, I realized something: If I wanted to listen to music, eat snacks, and sit alone by myself, then why didn't I just stay home, because I have all those things but BETTER in my room? I could be watching tv too.

Because the human mind, body, and soul have a longing for companionship. The truth is, I love talking and swapping stories. I love it when people want to share their life experiences. I love listening to the dumb accident on your bicycle, how you met your spouse, what nationality you claim to, or even what cute thing the 1 year old baby did last Wednesday. I love all of it. The problem is, I love being social but I'm not sociable. You following what I mean? It's like the phrase I once heard:

"I love being alone but I don't love being lonely."

And it's so true. Sometimes I don't have a choice but to go out and be around people. And that's usually when I try to keep to myself and hide behind my phone/laptop/headphones. I like having some solitude when it's a busy 10 hour school day, and usually at some point I'll just go to the bathroom and stand against the stall door for a few minutes just to be ALONE. It's essential for mental health! While God designed us to be with people, even saying in Genesis 2:18 "It is not good for man to be alone.", so He made Eve to be with Adam and they dwelt together like they should. But it is healthy to be alone.

At my once a week forced social setting, lunch hour is the most dreaded part of the day. At least for someone who is not in the In Crowd. All I can say is that school settings are the worst and when you feel more mentally mature than everyone around you based on their actions and conversations.

Sorry that sounded really conceited.

It's pretty hard to sit with the In Crowd as they talk about Eminem and whatever social gathering they all just went to and you weren't.

Yeah you know what I mean.

Somehow, sneakily enough, I worked my way from the lunchroom, to the lobby, to almost all the way down the hallway to where I could unzip my measly lunch and eat in peace as I caught up on homework. I wasn't exactly 'alone'-- my good friends who serenaded me inside my mp3 were always there. But things changed this past year. I made a very unexpected companion in a popular extrovert. As the semester went on, when I'd sit down to my lunch alone in the hallway, I'd find myself having to take out my headphones, or sliding my phone back into my pocket because I was making real conversation with another human being. I'd have to move my backpack off the seat next to me because he wanted to sit there, because he actually wanted to be near me so we could talk before and after class (and sometimes even during class too:). And I began to realize, maybe I was wrong.

I might still be quiet, and I might not make the most entertaining conversation. Alright. That's just me and the way I always will be. But when I am in a environment where there are going to be lots of people, it is beyond nice to have at least one person who knows me. You want the secret to social life? Listen up! I'm going to give it to you right now: You don't need to be popular. Not everyone is going to like you. Some people will never be your friend, no matter how hard you try. And others who you thought would never be, somehow become your best ones. All you really need is just one person. I've learned that if you have at least one person, one person is all you need to go from feeling completely awkward and uncomfortable to being more than okay with being there.

Maybe you'll be alone for a while. And that's perfectly okay. If I didn't get some alone time, I'd completely blow up! But it isn't good for man to be alone all the time. Sometimes we need to push our boundaries and we'll discover we have more to offer to others. I found a dear friend in someone who I looked at last year and thought "We would never be friends", and now I look back from a year later, and found that we have more in common than I could ever dream. It just took a little forced social interaction to get there. Now I'm no one special to give advice. Heck, this is all coming from the person who went ice skating yesterday only to end up a few hours later alone in her room, lights off, the last of the Christmas chocolates in hand and huddled under a no-sew blanket and a Celtic Thunder dvd playing two feet away from her face. My point is, you'll never find that friend who does understand why you need to be alone if you are alone all the time. I have to tell myself this everyday. While my new extroverted friend initially approached me, friendship is a two-way street and sometimes you do have to do some of the driving. No one will want to hang out around you if you just sit there like a dead doorknob!
Here's five tips for introverts who want to make a friend:

1.Be nice. It's the easiest thing!

2.Be happy. Or at least try. If something's upsetting you, say "I don't really feel in a great mood today because                            ". They'll most likely understand and maybe even help you feel better! Don't forget to let them know you appreciate it.

3.Make conversation. Seriously this is a big one. You'll never know how much you have in common until you talk! For the first few weeks of me and my extrovert's friendship, I didn't know what to say. My mind would go absolutely blank and neither of us would have anything to say. Looking back, I honestly don't know how the friendship survived that :/

4.SMILE. Nobody likes a frown. They're ugly. Which Matthew Crawley looks more approachable? Hmm? C'mon! We all know it's not the one on the left :)

 

and if you need a lesson on how to smile, follow this link

http://www.buzzfeed.com/amightygirl/the-ultimate-cure-for-depression-by-tom-hiddleston-hixt#.ltv5zwExJe

 

5. Let them know you enjoy (and acknowledge) their presence! Make sure you say hi when you see them and give a hug goodbye (if you're at that comfortable of a point, of course:).

BONUS 6. If they hurt your feelings, let them know. This is a really hard one for me because I don't like starting confrontations with people. I'd rather be a pacifist and let things fester until they become a rotted infection that's too painful to scrape off later. But that's a HUGE problem. If you gently bring up how you feel, odds are they're going to understand. It'll feel crazy at first, but it can only save your friendship, and if you're worried about ruining it, well, you have to look at both hands--would you rather continue awkwardly or try to fix things? What have you go to lose?